It's been a while since I've written here or even in my journal. I just can't get out of this grief cycle this year. I seem to be okay one day and sink beyond belief for days at a time and wonder at myself, but still cannot right myself. Sigh.
Many things have been happening, some good, some not. Life is still moving forward even if my heels are sore and beaten from dragging. One tough thing, a very close, dear friend has moved on and is now involved with someone, no more to call me or visit occasionally. Since Richard's death, life seems to constantly remind me that friendships end, people move on, and sometimes someone you really care about never talks to you again. It's terribly unsettling, made moreso because I don't have Rich to talk to about how such a loss is effecting me. Consequently, the loss feels compounded and I cry.
One interesting (and good?) thing that happened this week when I was talking with my pain management therapist. Something triggered in me and although I struggled, I realized some important things. I've never "done the work" to get through all the emotional pain inside me. Sometimes I was aware and deliberately refused to do so, but mostly, I just couldn't do it (or didn't know how, practically). Haven't reached enlightenment. Big sigh.
Guess I'm not up to writing still. I miss writing. Didn't go to my writing group meeting last week. Plan on going this week. Hope to start writing, but for now, I'm going to bed. Maybe tomorrow.
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Monday, June 11, 2012
Monday Fun -- A Visit from a HS Friend
Yay! Finally got to see JoAnne, one of my best friends in high school. It was wonderful to see her and her husband, Ron. I hadn't seen JoAnne since probably the mid-80's when I ran into her and her son at a Binghamton AHL Hockey game, and I don't think I've seen Ron since ... well, can't remember! Met them at the Genesee Grande for lunch. Delicious and such wonderful company. It felt like we'd stayed friends all these years, the time went so quickly and the talk flowed so smoothly. I really loved seeing them.
Catching Up (a little) on Photos in May - May 15-18
Well, I let the stomach isses (colitis from an antibiotic) get me down. Or, rather, I just didn't have the energy to keep it from wearing me out. Sigh. So, have a few days of photos to post. (Still have some to take.) I've really enjoyed thinking about what pictures to take to represent the suggestion, and especially enjoyed figuring out how to take said picture. Here are a few more:
May 15 - Nero, my American shorthair black cat (named after a favorite character, Nero Wolfe, of Rex Stout's). He's resting after coming home from the vet where he'd had an abscess on his elbow drained and removed. He fights with my other male cat, Shadow, and sometimes he gets hurt. Boo hoo. Shadow was left with me and I cannot find him a home, but poor Nero doesn't care. He wants his home all for himself.
May 16 - My drs told me my bad cholesterol level is too high and my blood sugar is no longer acceptable borderline. They're giving me a few months (a year?) to get the numbers under control or it's cholesterol-lowering and insulin pills for me. Sigh. I really don't want to take either!
May 18 - Loved this saying when I first saw it and finally took the plunge and embroidered. I completely understand why the woman at whose home I saw this remarked when I commented on it, "It was a bitch to do and I'll never embroider again!" It was a bear, but I learned much about embroidering cursive and doing such freehand work, and still I want to embroider more sayings. Oh, forgot to mention, my brothers (who live in Lexington, KY, so I don't get to see very often) always say how much I look like Mom when they first see me (yay!).
 |
| May 15 - Nero, Something I Love |
 |
| May 16 - What I'm Reading |
May 16 - My drs told me my bad cholesterol level is too high and my blood sugar is no longer acceptable borderline. They're giving me a few months (a year?) to get the numbers under control or it's cholesterol-lowering and insulin pills for me. Sigh. I really don't want to take either!
 |
| May 17 - Snack (Lemon Cream Bars) |
May 17 - My treats, lemon cream bars. Add to my cholesterol/blood sugar issues?
 |
| May 18 - Something I Embroidered |
May 18 - Loved this saying when I first saw it and finally took the plunge and embroidered. I completely understand why the woman at whose home I saw this remarked when I commented on it, "It was a bitch to do and I'll never embroider again!" It was a bear, but I learned much about embroidering cursive and doing such freehand work, and still I want to embroider more sayings. Oh, forgot to mention, my brothers (who live in Lexington, KY, so I don't get to see very often) always say how much I look like Mom when they first see me (yay!).
Final Photos for May (May 27-31)
Turns out, I hadn't posted photos for nearly two weeks. Yikes! The last of the May photos are here. I was really hoping this challenge would not only keep me interested, but also dedicated. I'm still struggling with trying to make a life for myself without Richard and this 10th year without him has been almost as bad as the first and I just can't seem to right myself! Doing the photos did help. I've been thinking more about composition, opportunity, and many other facets of shooting. So, I really am glad I started this (and I'm continuing with the June challenge!).
May 27 - Something Sweet - Strawberry shortcake
May 28 - The Weather today - Rain. It's been raining every day almost since late April. Ugh!
May 29 - A number - Waiting for my delicious dinner at the Cafe 107 in
Liverpool.
May 30 - My personality - This view of my personality shows needlework I've
done, a painting of me, and collectibles and jewelry of mine.
May 31 - Something beautiful - A beautiful hot pad my lovely niece, Linda, crocheted for me.
 |
| May 27 |
May 28 - The Weather today - Rain. It's been raining every day almost since late April. Ugh!
 |
| May 28 |
 |
| May 29 |
May 31 - Something beautiful - A beautiful hot pad my lovely niece, Linda, crocheted for me.
 |
| May 31 |
 |
| May 30 |
Sunday, June 10, 2012
May Photos (May 2, 19-20, 24-26)
Can't believe I've let May end and I haven't posted my pics for the rest of the days in the month. I let my grief overwhelm me again and just managed to live my life. So, here goes:
May 2 - A skyline
May 19 - A favorite place - CNY Healing Arts where I get a wonderful massage and enjoy their soothing steam showers, sauna, pool and jacuzzi. Ahhh.
May 20 - Something I'd rather not go without - Tea - English breakfast, Ceylon, Indian breakfast and more
May 24 - Something new - A new summer top. In keeping with the trend (I didn't really know), it's striped!
May 25 - Something usual -- Natural sandstone formed 180 - 225 million years ago. The sphere shaped one is called a "Shinarump". These have not been altered in any ways except cut into shapes. They were found in Utah and are considered "Nature's Most Beautiful Paintings".
May 26 - Twelve noon - At my writing group (well, we're not all here, yet).
May 2 - A skyline
 |
| May 2 |
 |
| May 19 |
May 20 - Something I'd rather not go without - Tea - English breakfast, Ceylon, Indian breakfast and more
 |
| May 20 |
 |
| May 24 |
 |
| May 25 |
May 26 - Twelve noon - At my writing group (well, we're not all here, yet).
 |
| May 26 |
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Photos in May (cont'd)
A few more photos for May days:
May 10 -- A favorite word I love to use, sometimes in exclamation, other times, sarcastically: "Super!".
May 21 -- Where I Stand -- at Panera's on their beautiful patio entrance.
May 22 - Something Pink -- a couple: the covering on the antique (well, from the '40s) rocker and a throw my mother-in-law made me. She was quite the crocheter!
May 23 -- Technology -- the new Kindle Touch my friend, Fran, was given for Christmas from the casino where she is one of their best players. She's not big on technology, so she offered it to me. I was thrilled! Reading the latest Alexander McCall Smith "No. 1 Ladies Detective" novels. Yay!
May 10 -- A favorite word I love to use, sometimes in exclamation, other times, sarcastically: "Super!".
May 21 -- Where I Stand -- at Panera's on their beautiful patio entrance.
May 22 - Something Pink -- a couple: the covering on the antique (well, from the '40s) rocker and a throw my mother-in-law made me. She was quite the crocheter!
May 23 -- Technology -- the new Kindle Touch my friend, Fran, was given for Christmas from the casino where she is one of their best players. She's not big on technology, so she offered it to me. I was thrilled! Reading the latest Alexander McCall Smith "No. 1 Ladies Detective" novels. Yay!
 |
| May 10 - A Favorite Word |
 |
| May 21 - Where I Stand (Panera's) |
 |
| May 22 - Something Pink |
 |
| May 23 - Technology |
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Lawns
Ah. Just came in from mowing my back yard lawn. Yikes! Too many holes made it nearly impossible to walk and maneuver the mower. Got me to thinking -- where do they come from? Moles and voles? Skunks? When my husband tended the lawn and the dogs were alive, the holes were very few and small and the ground level. Now, some are nearly as round as a small ball like the one you play catch with your children. The awful thing about all this is that after my husband died, I hired someone to keep up the lawn. He worked at keeping the ground level, the holes under control, and the weeds at a minimum, and the lawn flourished again. Soon, though, his son, who did the mowing, graduated from high school and his wife felt he should just be working on their yard.
Since then, various people have mowed this lawn, including me, periodically, but it has fallen into a sad state. Every year, I've added new soil, weeded, fed, and tried to keep the lawn looking like it once did when my husband tended it. Alas, it has defeated me. Tonight, I thought I would never get it mowed, the ground was so uneven, the weeds so strong and high. Even after weed whacking, the mower didn't always succeed in bringing some weeds to their roots. Sigh.
I'm so glad I had a massage today. My back is screaming and my hands hurt from the vibrations from the weed whacker and the mower. Maybe I should let my lawn grow wild and not give it another thought -- that is, until I look out my kitchen window and see the weeds rising above the grass, mocking me! Sigh.
Since then, various people have mowed this lawn, including me, periodically, but it has fallen into a sad state. Every year, I've added new soil, weeded, fed, and tried to keep the lawn looking like it once did when my husband tended it. Alas, it has defeated me. Tonight, I thought I would never get it mowed, the ground was so uneven, the weeds so strong and high. Even after weed whacking, the mower didn't always succeed in bringing some weeds to their roots. Sigh.
I'm so glad I had a massage today. My back is screaming and my hands hurt from the vibrations from the weed whacker and the mower. Maybe I should let my lawn grow wild and not give it another thought -- that is, until I look out my kitchen window and see the weeds rising above the grass, mocking me! Sigh.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
May Pictures Continued
So many things to do and now I have problems with my back again. Dang! Sitting definitely aggravates it and I can barely walk after sitting or laying down. Guess it's back to the neurologist or pain dr, eh? Since I haven't been up to much, I got behind in my photos for May. So, here are a few I took to share:
May 3 - Something I wore today - a blue cotton blouse by Ralph Lauren; my go-to blouse when I'm not sure how I feel and can't settle on anything to wear. Wore it to the foot docs.
May 4 - Something I do for fun - sew. A picture of a set of pillows I made for my niece, Nicole.
May 11 - My kitchen - the top of my unit which houses my books and small electrical appliances. (It's a microwave stand, but I prefer to keep that in the laundry room.) Fannie Farmer and The Joy of Cooking are the two cookbooks I use the most and give as gifts. They are wonderful!
May 12 - Something that makes me happy - my two beautiful Lhasa Apsos, Sian and Ming. Just looking at this picture of them makes me smile and my heart feel so good. They aren't with me anymore -- Sian died 4 years ago and Ming last year.
May 13 - Mum - a picture of my Mom; one she really liked.
May 14 - Grass - a picture of the grass in my front yard and in the back yard (with the raspberry patch so low; usually by this time the bushes are nearly knee high).
May 3 - Something I wore today - a blue cotton blouse by Ralph Lauren; my go-to blouse when I'm not sure how I feel and can't settle on anything to wear. Wore it to the foot docs.
May 4 - Something I do for fun - sew. A picture of a set of pillows I made for my niece, Nicole.
May 11 - My kitchen - the top of my unit which houses my books and small electrical appliances. (It's a microwave stand, but I prefer to keep that in the laundry room.) Fannie Farmer and The Joy of Cooking are the two cookbooks I use the most and give as gifts. They are wonderful!
May 12 - Something that makes me happy - my two beautiful Lhasa Apsos, Sian and Ming. Just looking at this picture of them makes me smile and my heart feel so good. They aren't with me anymore -- Sian died 4 years ago and Ming last year.
May 13 - Mum - a picture of my Mom; one she really liked.
May 14 - Grass - a picture of the grass in my front yard and in the back yard (with the raspberry patch so low; usually by this time the bushes are nearly knee high).Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Peace, Bird, Smell Photos
Since I started the "Photo a Day in May" 6 days late, I'm working on adding ones for the days I missed. Today I'm including a picture of "Peace" (May 1), a bird (May 5) and a smell I adore (May 8).
Here are those three pictures. The first one is of this glass Peace item a niece gave me a few years ago. It rests on my desktop, reminding me of her and the '60's. I love her and I love it.
The next one, a bird, posed quite a challenge. I couldn't find a bird anywhere in my house. Of course, I have lots of pictures of birds I've taken over the years, some in our yard, some at bird sanctuaries, some just out and about in nature. But in keeping with the spirit of a photo a day, I wanted to actually take one. And then I remembered! A friend had given me a little ring holder -- a beautiful little piece with a small bird perched on its top. Now, the interesting thing about this is that my cat, Shadow, the beautiful Chartreux a friend left with me, likes to play with this piece, often knocking it off my dresser! Hmm....does he know that' a bird on top?
Lastly, "a smell I adore". This was actually extremely easy at first, and then very difficult to narrow to one smell. I love the smell of cinnamon, coffee, chocolate cookies, and oh, so many others. But then I knew the one to share -- Heaven Scent. I love the smell of that perfume. Unfortunately, it is no longer made, so the bottle you see (in between the Chanel No. 5 and the Arpege, two other favorite smells) is the last one I'll ever own. I'm still able to squeak out a little to enjoy it on days when I really, really need its special powers -- its smell makes me smile and feel good is the only way I can describe its effects.
Well, a few more pics caught up. Just three more missed days to go. Looking forward to taking them, too. This has turned out to be quite interesting and challenging. Also, it's getting me back to taking pictures, another joy I let go of after Richard died. Blessings.
Here are those three pictures. The first one is of this glass Peace item a niece gave me a few years ago. It rests on my desktop, reminding me of her and the '60's. I love her and I love it.
The next one, a bird, posed quite a challenge. I couldn't find a bird anywhere in my house. Of course, I have lots of pictures of birds I've taken over the years, some in our yard, some at bird sanctuaries, some just out and about in nature. But in keeping with the spirit of a photo a day, I wanted to actually take one. And then I remembered! A friend had given me a little ring holder -- a beautiful little piece with a small bird perched on its top. Now, the interesting thing about this is that my cat, Shadow, the beautiful Chartreux a friend left with me, likes to play with this piece, often knocking it off my dresser! Hmm....does he know that' a bird on top?
Lastly, "a smell I adore". This was actually extremely easy at first, and then very difficult to narrow to one smell. I love the smell of cinnamon, coffee, chocolate cookies, and oh, so many others. But then I knew the one to share -- Heaven Scent. I love the smell of that perfume. Unfortunately, it is no longer made, so the bottle you see (in between the Chanel No. 5 and the Arpege, two other favorite smells) is the last one I'll ever own. I'm still able to squeak out a little to enjoy it on days when I really, really need its special powers -- its smell makes me smile and feel good is the only way I can describe its effects.
Well, a few more pics caught up. Just three more missed days to go. Looking forward to taking them, too. This has turned out to be quite interesting and challenging. Also, it's getting me back to taking pictures, another joy I let go of after Richard died. Blessings.
Tea Every Day
Today's photo a day in May is "something I do every day". Every morning I make a pot of tea, usually English Breakfast tea combined from various sources since I haven't found one I absolutely love. I used to drink Indian Breakfast tea, my favorite, but I am no longer able to buy it. I always use this teapot, a china one from PortMerion's Botannic Garden collection. However, I rarely use a cup and saucer (although I have quite a collection), and alternate my choice of mug. The two here are my most recent favorites. I like the one that has "Tea" stamped all over it, but the wide mouth allows the tea to cool too quickly (I drink mine with milk, not sugar), so I've gone back to using the smaller one. The red tin with "Keep Calm and Carry On" has English Breakfast tea in it, also. (It's kinda weak, so I don't use it very often, but I love the tin.) Once I've had my first cuppa, I decant the rest into the carafe (the white Palm one in the pic) so that I can enjoy a cup throughout the day. A couple of years ago, I would drink two or three cups, and then have to toss the rest because I don't like microwaved tea. Then I remembered I used to decant tea years ago, but had stopped when the last carafe had broken and I couldn't find a suitable replacement. They seem to be available more today. I love tea.
 |
| May 9 |
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Monday, May 7, 2012
Someone who inspires me
Monday. Still not myself, although I think the stomach bug is gone. Yay! Today I was mostly sleepy, tired. Did very little. Didn't mow; dang! It rained late this afternoon, so now I don't know when I'll be able to mow. Pretty soon the backyard will be so high I'll need a machete to cut it down!
Today's photo suggestion was "someone who inspires you". No brainer for me -- Richard. Here's his pic --the only one we ever had done professionally. Both of us being amateur photographers never bothered to get our pictures taken by anyone. Too bad.
Thank you for nearly 36 wonderful years, sweetheart. I miss you.
Today's photo suggestion was "someone who inspires you". No brainer for me -- Richard. Here's his pic --the only one we ever had done professionally. Both of us being amateur photographers never bothered to get our pictures taken by anyone. Too bad.
Thank you for nearly 36 wonderful years, sweetheart. I miss you.
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Sunday evening. Quite a day. Started off really, really sick (sick all day yesterday); guess it was the stomach bug going around. I didn't know one was until I turned the tv on and heard some baseball player telling the interviewer about guys being out of the game the last few days due to a stomach bug. Wow!
I didn't go to church. I was up soooo early, but I was sooo sick. Just couldn't do it. Then, after I'd just made tea about 1 pm, my niece called and said she wanted to come up and bring my sister (my only one living). I was so excited until I remembered I had a dinner to attend tonight. (I really didn't want to go because I was so sick.) Told my niece about the conflict, but she said she wanted to drive up anyway (1 1/2 hrs away). Yay!
The visit was wonderful. My sister rarely leaves her house except to go to the drs, so I was so happy my niece brought her up (her niece, also, not her daughter -- that's another story). Made my sis coffee and my niece drank my tea, of course! Gave them English muffins, too. Love them!
We had a wonderful visit -- too short, though. It was wonderful to see them both. My sister looked absolutely beautiful -- her hair is back to its natural medium brown (she always lightened it to blonde) and she looked really great for 77. My niece looked beautiful, too. She's lost a lot of weight (well, not really a good thing, she's been having problems for which she is going to have surgery soon).
After they left, my friend, Susan, and I went to our dinner, the Women Transcending Boundaries (WTB) International Dinner. I really didn't want to go, and wouldn't you know it, I had a wonderful time. Saw so many wonderful women who were genuinely happy to see me. Had some great conversations, caught up on the replacement operations (Darryl had both her hips replaced in March and she was quite agile tonight!). Betsy had her left knee (same one I need replaced) replaced last year and she told me to get mine done! She's so much happier because of hers. Really encouraging! So glad I went for so many reasons. Not the least of which, the food was asolutely delicious.
Actually feel so much better tonight. Thank you, God, for such a wonderful day. I am so grateful.
I didn't go to church. I was up soooo early, but I was sooo sick. Just couldn't do it. Then, after I'd just made tea about 1 pm, my niece called and said she wanted to come up and bring my sister (my only one living). I was so excited until I remembered I had a dinner to attend tonight. (I really didn't want to go because I was so sick.) Told my niece about the conflict, but she said she wanted to drive up anyway (1 1/2 hrs away). Yay!
The visit was wonderful. My sister rarely leaves her house except to go to the drs, so I was so happy my niece brought her up (her niece, also, not her daughter -- that's another story). Made my sis coffee and my niece drank my tea, of course! Gave them English muffins, too. Love them!
We had a wonderful visit -- too short, though. It was wonderful to see them both. My sister looked absolutely beautiful -- her hair is back to its natural medium brown (she always lightened it to blonde) and she looked really great for 77. My niece looked beautiful, too. She's lost a lot of weight (well, not really a good thing, she's been having problems for which she is going to have surgery soon).
After they left, my friend, Susan, and I went to our dinner, the Women Transcending Boundaries (WTB) International Dinner. I really didn't want to go, and wouldn't you know it, I had a wonderful time. Saw so many wonderful women who were genuinely happy to see me. Had some great conversations, caught up on the replacement operations (Darryl had both her hips replaced in March and she was quite agile tonight!). Betsy had her left knee (same one I need replaced) replaced last year and she told me to get mine done! She's so much happier because of hers. Really encouraging! So glad I went for so many reasons. Not the least of which, the food was asolutely delicious.
Actually feel so much better tonight. Thank you, God, for such a wonderful day. I am so grateful.
Photo a day in May
Here's my first photo. I'm going to backtrack and post five more for the previous five days, though. I'm really excited about this project. Joined Fat Mum Slim's May Photo a Day challenge. Yay!
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Happy Spring! The sun is shining here today. Yay! Just did my first link with another blog. Cool. Still dealing with grief. Can it really be over 9 years now? Sigh. Lost my male Lhasa Apso, Ming, last July. (The picture here is of Sian, my female, and the one on the right is of them both -- Ming is on the right in that picture.) Tough. He was pretty sick the last year, so it was easier to say goodbye, but still painful in the end. I miss both my wonderful pals. Now, there's just Nero and Shadow, a cat who came for a visit (friend relocated) and stayed. Being two males, and Nero not liking to share me, they fight pretty much everyday. Really wish I could find a new home for Shadow. He's a wonderful, intelligent Chartreux, who's a little leery of people until he develops trust. He still loves to play!
Well, off to Tai Chi. Last class until May. Boo hoo! It is more challenging than it looks, and it really gives you a workout. I've truly enjoyed learning and practicing it. So much, I'm looking into another class elsewhere, in addition, but haven't heard back yet. Fingers crossed!
Enjoy your day. Hope it's as beautiful as ours is because it makes one feel so alive!
Well, off to Tai Chi. Last class until May. Boo hoo! It is more challenging than it looks, and it really gives you a workout. I've truly enjoyed learning and practicing it. So much, I'm looking into another class elsewhere, in addition, but haven't heard back yet. Fingers crossed!
Enjoy your day. Hope it's as beautiful as ours is because it makes one feel so alive!
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Happy Birthday, Ellie! My wonderful big sister's birthday is today. Miss her! Beautiful day, and I'm stuck here, sick. Ugh! Just made a cuppa tea and going to start another crochet project. If my eyes weren't so sicky, too, I'd embroider. Want to finish my last piece (plan to add a flower to it) and get it hung. Yay!
"I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead and some come from behind. But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready you see. Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!” Theodor Seuss Geisel (1904-1991) Writer, Cartoonist, Animator
Happy Birthday, Ellie! My wonderful big sister's birthday is today. Miss her! Beautiful day, and I'm stuck here, sick. Ugh! Just made a cuppa tea and going to start another crochet project. If my eyes weren't so sicky, too, I'd embroider. Want to finish my last piece (plan to add a flower to it) and get it hung. Yay!
"I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead and some come from behind. But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready you see. Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!” Theodor Seuss Geisel (1904-1991) Writer, Cartoonist, Animator
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Found this neat sewing maching from Kelly Rachel's blog emaykee. Ain't it beautiful!
http://kellyrachel.com/blog
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Happy New Year -- 2012! Cannot believe it. Didn't write much here last year. Going to do more this year.
Cold here tonight. Winter has officially arrived in Central New York. Spent this week adjusting mentally to this, tee hee. Picked up Alexander McCall Smith's new Isabel Dalhousie novel, The Forgotten Affairs of Youth. Yay!
Well, waited too late to write tonight, I'm too tired to think. Will finish the night with Frasier and head to bed. 'Nite
Cold here tonight. Winter has officially arrived in Central New York. Spent this week adjusting mentally to this, tee hee. Picked up Alexander McCall Smith's new Isabel Dalhousie novel, The Forgotten Affairs of Youth. Yay!
Well, waited too late to write tonight, I'm too tired to think. Will finish the night with Frasier and head to bed. 'Nite
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)