Thursday evening, October 17, 2013
Can't believe it's been over two years since I've written here. The good news is I was busy editing manuscripts for some very talented writers who have since published their works. Yay!
What's been on my mind quite a bit lately is the concept of friendship. I want to understand both this world of being an older person and alone and having only casual friends and acquaintances for support. In particular one friend turned out to be more of a good, nice acquaintance than a real friend. I sensed this from the start, but laziness or wishful thinking caused me to often want more from her only to get frustrated later. Sigh.
Anyway, what's bothering me is this acquaintance is obsessed with men. She talks about them more than about anything else. She chases them, even if they have a significant other. If we run into one while we're out, she leaves me, often without a word, to be with him. Unfortunately, I once told her that at our age life is too short not to be with someone if that's what we want. (Or some variation -- I can't remember my exact words, but she has reminded me of them after ditching me!)
What I can't understand is why her behavior bothers me. I think part of the reason is that she rarely asks about me other than an initial inquiry. And I'm really more interested in spending quality time with her, not spending it talking about men, including how wonderful they think she is. Which is what she loves to stress -- how wonderful and special, etc. all the men think she is.
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Well, that went nowhere. While I was struggling to write, the phone rang and it was someone who'd called because she was concerned I had not returned her call of last week. So, I took it. A little over an hour later, here I sit, in a different frame of mind. Sigh. Maybe another time I can redress the issue above since it bothers me often.
Anyway, my thoughts are all a jumble now (new and old issues competing for my emotional attention -- big sigh).
'Nite
Thursday, October 17, 2013
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Is it really July?
It's been a while since I've written here or even in my journal. I just can't get out of this grief cycle this year. I seem to be okay one day and sink beyond belief for days at a time and wonder at myself, but still cannot right myself. Sigh.
Many things have been happening, some good, some not. Life is still moving forward even if my heels are sore and beaten from dragging. One tough thing, a very close, dear friend has moved on and is now involved with someone, no more to call me or visit occasionally. Since Richard's death, life seems to constantly remind me that friendships end, people move on, and sometimes someone you really care about never talks to you again. It's terribly unsettling, made moreso because I don't have Rich to talk to about how such a loss is effecting me. Consequently, the loss feels compounded and I cry.
One interesting (and good?) thing that happened this week when I was talking with my pain management therapist. Something triggered in me and although I struggled, I realized some important things. I've never "done the work" to get through all the emotional pain inside me. Sometimes I was aware and deliberately refused to do so, but mostly, I just couldn't do it (or didn't know how, practically). Haven't reached enlightenment. Big sigh.
Guess I'm not up to writing still. I miss writing. Didn't go to my writing group meeting last week. Plan on going this week. Hope to start writing, but for now, I'm going to bed. Maybe tomorrow.
Many things have been happening, some good, some not. Life is still moving forward even if my heels are sore and beaten from dragging. One tough thing, a very close, dear friend has moved on and is now involved with someone, no more to call me or visit occasionally. Since Richard's death, life seems to constantly remind me that friendships end, people move on, and sometimes someone you really care about never talks to you again. It's terribly unsettling, made moreso because I don't have Rich to talk to about how such a loss is effecting me. Consequently, the loss feels compounded and I cry.
One interesting (and good?) thing that happened this week when I was talking with my pain management therapist. Something triggered in me and although I struggled, I realized some important things. I've never "done the work" to get through all the emotional pain inside me. Sometimes I was aware and deliberately refused to do so, but mostly, I just couldn't do it (or didn't know how, practically). Haven't reached enlightenment. Big sigh.
Guess I'm not up to writing still. I miss writing. Didn't go to my writing group meeting last week. Plan on going this week. Hope to start writing, but for now, I'm going to bed. Maybe tomorrow.
Monday, June 11, 2012
Monday Fun -- A Visit from a HS Friend
Yay! Finally got to see JoAnne, one of my best friends in high school. It was wonderful to see her and her husband, Ron. I hadn't seen JoAnne since probably the mid-80's when I ran into her and her son at a Binghamton AHL Hockey game, and I don't think I've seen Ron since ... well, can't remember! Met them at the Genesee Grande for lunch. Delicious and such wonderful company. It felt like we'd stayed friends all these years, the time went so quickly and the talk flowed so smoothly. I really loved seeing them.
Catching Up (a little) on Photos in May - May 15-18
Well, I let the stomach isses (colitis from an antibiotic) get me down. Or, rather, I just didn't have the energy to keep it from wearing me out. Sigh. So, have a few days of photos to post. (Still have some to take.) I've really enjoyed thinking about what pictures to take to represent the suggestion, and especially enjoyed figuring out how to take said picture. Here are a few more:
May 15 - Nero, my American shorthair black cat (named after a favorite character, Nero Wolfe, of Rex Stout's). He's resting after coming home from the vet where he'd had an abscess on his elbow drained and removed. He fights with my other male cat, Shadow, and sometimes he gets hurt. Boo hoo. Shadow was left with me and I cannot find him a home, but poor Nero doesn't care. He wants his home all for himself.
May 16 - My drs told me my bad cholesterol level is too high and my blood sugar is no longer acceptable borderline. They're giving me a few months (a year?) to get the numbers under control or it's cholesterol-lowering and insulin pills for me. Sigh. I really don't want to take either!
May 18 - Loved this saying when I first saw it and finally took the plunge and embroidered. I completely understand why the woman at whose home I saw this remarked when I commented on it, "It was a bitch to do and I'll never embroider again!" It was a bear, but I learned much about embroidering cursive and doing such freehand work, and still I want to embroider more sayings. Oh, forgot to mention, my brothers (who live in Lexington, KY, so I don't get to see very often) always say how much I look like Mom when they first see me (yay!).
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| May 15 - Nero, Something I Love |
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| May 16 - What I'm Reading |
May 16 - My drs told me my bad cholesterol level is too high and my blood sugar is no longer acceptable borderline. They're giving me a few months (a year?) to get the numbers under control or it's cholesterol-lowering and insulin pills for me. Sigh. I really don't want to take either!
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| May 17 - Snack (Lemon Cream Bars) |
May 17 - My treats, lemon cream bars. Add to my cholesterol/blood sugar issues?
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| May 18 - Something I Embroidered |
May 18 - Loved this saying when I first saw it and finally took the plunge and embroidered. I completely understand why the woman at whose home I saw this remarked when I commented on it, "It was a bitch to do and I'll never embroider again!" It was a bear, but I learned much about embroidering cursive and doing such freehand work, and still I want to embroider more sayings. Oh, forgot to mention, my brothers (who live in Lexington, KY, so I don't get to see very often) always say how much I look like Mom when they first see me (yay!).
Final Photos for May (May 27-31)
Turns out, I hadn't posted photos for nearly two weeks. Yikes! The last of the May photos are here. I was really hoping this challenge would not only keep me interested, but also dedicated. I'm still struggling with trying to make a life for myself without Richard and this 10th year without him has been almost as bad as the first and I just can't seem to right myself! Doing the photos did help. I've been thinking more about composition, opportunity, and many other facets of shooting. So, I really am glad I started this (and I'm continuing with the June challenge!).
May 27 - Something Sweet - Strawberry shortcake
May 28 - The Weather today - Rain. It's been raining every day almost since late April. Ugh!
May 29 - A number - Waiting for my delicious dinner at the Cafe 107 in
Liverpool.
May 30 - My personality - This view of my personality shows needlework I've
done, a painting of me, and collectibles and jewelry of mine.
May 31 - Something beautiful - A beautiful hot pad my lovely niece, Linda, crocheted for me.
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| May 27 |
May 28 - The Weather today - Rain. It's been raining every day almost since late April. Ugh!
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| May 28 |
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| May 29 |
May 31 - Something beautiful - A beautiful hot pad my lovely niece, Linda, crocheted for me.
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| May 31 |
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| May 30 |
Sunday, June 10, 2012
May Photos (May 2, 19-20, 24-26)
Can't believe I've let May end and I haven't posted my pics for the rest of the days in the month. I let my grief overwhelm me again and just managed to live my life. So, here goes:
May 2 - A skyline
May 19 - A favorite place - CNY Healing Arts where I get a wonderful massage and enjoy their soothing steam showers, sauna, pool and jacuzzi. Ahhh.
May 20 - Something I'd rather not go without - Tea - English breakfast, Ceylon, Indian breakfast and more
May 24 - Something new - A new summer top. In keeping with the trend (I didn't really know), it's striped!
May 25 - Something usual -- Natural sandstone formed 180 - 225 million years ago. The sphere shaped one is called a "Shinarump". These have not been altered in any ways except cut into shapes. They were found in Utah and are considered "Nature's Most Beautiful Paintings".
May 26 - Twelve noon - At my writing group (well, we're not all here, yet).
May 2 - A skyline
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| May 2 |
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| May 19 |
May 20 - Something I'd rather not go without - Tea - English breakfast, Ceylon, Indian breakfast and more
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| May 20 |
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| May 24 |
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| May 25 |
May 26 - Twelve noon - At my writing group (well, we're not all here, yet).
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| May 26 |
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Photos in May (cont'd)
A few more photos for May days:
May 10 -- A favorite word I love to use, sometimes in exclamation, other times, sarcastically: "Super!".
May 21 -- Where I Stand -- at Panera's on their beautiful patio entrance.
May 22 - Something Pink -- a couple: the covering on the antique (well, from the '40s) rocker and a throw my mother-in-law made me. She was quite the crocheter!
May 23 -- Technology -- the new Kindle Touch my friend, Fran, was given for Christmas from the casino where she is one of their best players. She's not big on technology, so she offered it to me. I was thrilled! Reading the latest Alexander McCall Smith "No. 1 Ladies Detective" novels. Yay!
May 10 -- A favorite word I love to use, sometimes in exclamation, other times, sarcastically: "Super!".
May 21 -- Where I Stand -- at Panera's on their beautiful patio entrance.
May 22 - Something Pink -- a couple: the covering on the antique (well, from the '40s) rocker and a throw my mother-in-law made me. She was quite the crocheter!
May 23 -- Technology -- the new Kindle Touch my friend, Fran, was given for Christmas from the casino where she is one of their best players. She's not big on technology, so she offered it to me. I was thrilled! Reading the latest Alexander McCall Smith "No. 1 Ladies Detective" novels. Yay!
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| May 10 - A Favorite Word |
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| May 21 - Where I Stand (Panera's) |
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| May 22 - Something Pink |
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| May 23 - Technology |
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