April 7, 2020

Oh, my goodness. It's been a year? Worse, it's now a weird world. How do I focus on this piece in this crazy time? Maybe just mention a few bits and pieces of how the past year went.

• read over 100 books last year -- Yay! Enjoyed so many that were out of my usual preferences
• move to advance level in Tai Chi
• lost my last furry friend, Shadow, in December 2018
• stopped writing, including writing letters, my most favorite way of communicating
• developed more and more severe allergies and struggled with bronchitis for over five months now; have a very annoying, aggravating, blah, blah, blah cough that will not go away!  
• because of above, had to stop going to classes and meetings except those online -- miss them

So, this is me and my life for now.  Like many, I am trying to make a new life out of a restricted structure with health issues compounding it. Not a fan of being hobbled, so I am constantly on the lookout for fun things people are doing (and there are many!) and am trying a few.  Started making all kinds of recipes and meals I haven't made before or in a long time. Happy results most of the time. Also, decided to start wearing my "good" clothes everyday, clothes I usually wear out in public or for special occasions. I'm really enjoying this!

Well, a brief update. Hope to start writing more (deja vu, eh?) here and elsewhere. And reading more. Finished a mystery last night: Tea Cups and Carnage by Lynn Cahoon. A fun read with a very interesting twist! 

Well, need to eat since I haven't eaten since tea and a bagel this morning. Sigh. Have a wonderful day!

C

Brr.. and a Reading Challenge

January 30, 2019 Brr...it's bitter cold here and with the wind, it's even worse. Just learned about this reading challenge and decided to join in the fun! I learned about it from Care's Books and Pies blog. This year's challenge is being hosted by Andrea at carolinabooknook.

What's In A Name Challenge 2019

The challenge extends from January 1, 2019 to December 31, 2019.  

The rules: You can sign up any time, but only count books that you read between those dates. Read a book in any format (hard copy, ebook, audio) with a title that fits in each category. Don’t use the same book for more than one category. Creativity for matching the categories is not only allowed, it’s encouraged! You can choose your books as you go or make a list ahead of time.

Below is the list of categories from which choose your books from - with some examples I might read.

• A precious stone/metal  (ex.,  Ruby, The Five Red Herrings [Sayers])
• A temperature  (ex. In Cold Blood, Farenheit 451)
• A month or day of the week  (ex. The Wednesday Letters, Light in August)
• A meal  (ex., Breakfast at Tiffany’s, Eat, Pray, Love)
• Contains the word “girl” or “woman”  (ex., The Only Woman in the Room, Third Girl [Christie])
• Contains both the words “of” AND “and” (ex. ,Of Mice and Men, Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil)

I'm a little late to the party, but I think I can get one read between tonight and tomorrow. Then, maybe I'll create a list; if not, I'll just pick one and read it as the year goes along. 

January 2019!

Where does the time go? It sounds so stupid now, but I fully intended to write more, especially here, and yet.... Sigh.

Read what I wrote last July and could not believe how much happened in the time in between. Sadly, Huck died. I felt awful; could not stop crying. Ended up not going to any classes or events for over a week. Just couldn't face seeing people being alive and happy and thinking about all the ones I'd lost, especially recently. Then Shadow's health began to decline, and he eventually died December 1st. I just couldn't seem to find my balance and didn't realize it until I pretty much stopped doing anything that I enjoyed or that made me happy. ("One of the saddest things in life is the things one remembers." Agatha Christie)

But life and time goes on and here I am. Brrr... it's winter here. I mean really winter! Our temps have been below 10 degrees lots of nights and some days. And then there's the wind chill which has reduced the temp often. In fact, the experts are warning us again that the wind chill is expected to be so low for the rest of the week that exposed skin will freeze immediately! I am so done with winter. I need to research possible places to go next year for maybe December-January and possibly February, too. Where to go?

Well, I've lost momentum. Agatha Christie is running through my mind; I need to get reading. The Last Mrs. Parrish is the next book for the mystery book group and we're meeting next week. Yikes!

July 21, 2018
Back again! June flew by. This year I celebrated a BIG birthday! I was going to celebrate by doing something really special, but the Sunday before, Father's Day, I went hiking at Clark Reservation with Susan. We had pretty much finished, deciding not to do the last leg of the hike (we'd been walking for almost 2 hours).

At the end of the Table Rock trail, we came to a spot where one has to jump about 2' to get off. One of the young guides insisted on helping me and I accepted although it flashed through my mind I shouldn't (reminder: listen to my inner voice). Anyway, she sort of took hold of my fingers and I started down. My foot slipped on the rock (I hadn't slipped once before and it is quite a long bunch of rocks) and I started to fall. She let go of me and I fell this way and that, ending up on my left foot. Ouch! I'd had enough, so did not want to go to the emergency room (and never thought of going to an Urgent Care site -- dang!), so asked Susan to take me home. She wanted to stop, so I compromised with a stop at Carvel's in Dewitt. Delicious!

Went to the dr. Tuesday when I realized it really looked horrible (black, red, very, very swollen) and was extremely painful. Yay! No broken bones, just a very bad sprain. The NP wrapped it and sent me home. Put ice on it -- hilarious! Ever put an ice pack on an ankle? It won't fold around of sit for very long and IT HURTS the bruise. Left the wrap on for two days, then noticed my toes were turning a lovely blue shade, so took it off. Since then, I've wrapped it lightly off and on. 

Still, the week went by quickly and okay, and my birthday was fine. Got a few cards and calls, but not a single one of either from a family member. No surprise, I know, but still...... Got a call from a friend I hadn't heard from in over a year and a card from a childhood friend who very randomly sends me one, so I never know about her. I write her occasionally (well, used to), but she never writes back. I faithfully sent her a birthday card every year, but because she seldom sent me one, I stopped. Then she started sending me one nearly every year. What? Very odd.

Still going to figure out some trip and place to go and just do it. Have to plan because Shadow's (cat) health issues have worsened and he takes more medication.  

Talked to Joan several times recently. She says she's really interested in moving up here or somewhere in between Bingo and here in the very near future. She had asked me to send her info for places, but I hesitated, then never did. I did not want her telling her kids that I had sent her the stuff without bothering to say she asked for it (I'm learning, eh?). Anyway, she called to talk about this, so I just suggested she write down names and I went on line and looked up places in several towns. We'll see if she bothers to call or email them

Still working on trying to live my best life, however many years I may have left.  I've got to stop letting my grief keep my inactive. Missing Richard is okay, I just can't let it limit me. To that end, I finally called a grief counselor again, and she scheduled me the very next day (yesterday). Good visit. She mostly listened, but was very kind and respectful. I like her style.

Lots of stuff to do around the house. The plumber got the kitchen sink issue resolved (very expensively, sorry to say). So, now I need to get bids/information for repairing or replacing the roof, repairing the deck and spraying the fence. Also, need to get the snow thrower and mower serviced because Huck is no longer able to do anything. 

Fran and I are finally going to get together next week to celebrate my birthday. Going to see a review of Buddy Holly songs (I think it's one guy, but not sure). Should be fun!

June 12, 2018
The day before Richard's birthday. Been a tough year (two?). Last December, Joey died; Chuck (Richard's cousin and our friend) also died. I still grieve for Joey and think fondly of both men. Chuck and Richard were very close when young and when Rich and I first dated. Rich's parents helped Chuck when his wife was very ill, often taking meals over for Chuck and the kids.  Chuck's parents were long gone, so Perry and Doris' kindess was greatly welcomed, especially since we no longer lived in that area.

Been struggling with loss ever since Joe died. I can only think that it is due in part to missed opportunities. I was actually going to visit Joe and Frank this year. Probably not at Derby time because there is always so much going on I don't get to spend a lot of time with them. And, of course, I doubled back to missed opportunities with Rich. Ugh!

So, what's new? After a lousy fall and winter (sickness, family issues, deaths, grief, more sickness), I signed up for courses this semester. Back to book clubs/groups. I attend only a couple, but read the books for four. Still having trouble with my vision (after the cataract surgery); some days, my eyes just don't feel good while reading, and even get headaches after just a little while of reading. Taking Tai Chi again. Yay! Also, I am taking a course in pictorial calligraphy. Supposed to be practicing as I type...tee hee. It's mostly about strokes and how to use them to make some basic designs -- leafs, feathers, trees, pastries, etc. The fall course will cover letters and numbers. I'm progressing very slowly and poorly even though the instructor regularly compliments my efforts! (She wants me to succeed, especially because of my hand--she said so. Hmmmm......)

Shadow is hanging in there. Or should I say doing well for a 19-year old cat with hyperthyroidism and kidney disease? He's been a blessing despite his big paws which carry litter all over the house and the never-ending struggle to get his pills down his throat twice a day! He's napping at my side as I type, which is another blessing because he has picked up the habit of walking across the keyboard. Crazy!

A beautiful day even though the temp is too high for this area this time of year. It's okay, though, because the humidity is low--yay! Stopped in The Distillery for coffee and apple crisp while a friend's car was in for maintenance. Brought up an interesting discussion about coffee out today: in most restaurants, it is not hot enough. It wasn't today; she nuked it to warm it up. Sometimes it's bitter (it was today). I drink coffee out because no one (except me) makes a decent cup of tea today. Tea out is usually awful, partly because no one boils the water anymore and also because most of the teas are run-of-the-mill tea bags. No thank you! The apple crisp was wonderful, though. 

Well, another entry, another promise: I am going to try and write on this with some regularity. I daren't promise every day though I hope to do so. So, off to write some letters -- I'm way behind on replying to people, also. Grief. It really did take over my soul. Wish me well.  Best.

Saturday evening, August 6, 2016

Sitting here with the Golden Girls chattering in the background, hoping to come up with something scintillating, or at least interesting, to say. Can't believe I still haven't written here much at all this year despite my promise to do so. It's not that I've been extremely preoccupied or doing all kinds of wonderful things.

I follow Wil Wheaton's blog and nearly every time I read a post, I am impressed by how much he struggles to live the life he wants. I'm not holding him up because he's famous, but rather, because he's another human being who struggles to live a productive, happy life and writes about his struggles honestly and heart-rending at times.

I'm not struggling right now, per se, but I am frustrated that I don't feel like I'm using my time wisely or enjoying life as I want to. So, to help me, I've started a life audit. Here's hoping I can figure out where best to place my energies!

Well, I was afraid of this -- I cannot write. Everything I start sounds ridiculous or not what I want to say. Maybe that's why I've been reading so much lately. Sigh. Maybe tomorrow. 'Nite.

Saturday Evening, May 21, 2016

Tough week. Mostly dealing with people. Had a great conversation with a friend earlier tonight and was able to both vent and hear a good take on much of what had upset me and really, really strained my inner resources this week.

During the past five plus years, one of the comments I've heard often is that "being older is like being a teenager in high school." When I first heard it, I laughed, poo-pooed it, and moved on. As the years passed, I came to not only believe the saying but to realize how ill-equipped I was to deal with these changing times. See, I avoided much of the nonsense in high school by ignoring much of the crap swirling around us. In hindsight it probably wasn't a smart move because I don't think I built up enough internal resources or thick skin to deal with similar issues today.

But -- and this is the most important point -- having to deal with them this week has gotten me out of my head and here writing. I need to work out my thoughts but without Richard beside me, I quit doing so. I gave up more times than not. I didn't deal with issues or emotional stressors in a timely manner or at all. And now that I am joining groups and interacting with many people regularly, I find I am at a loss sometimes on how to deal with crap when faced with it.

So, here's what's on my mind tonight and what dragged me down this week:

Writing groups -- I cannot find one where I fit. The latest one I was in never felt "right" but I kept going and some days it went well and other days I wished I had never gone. This week I quit. For me to do so is almost unheard of! I tend to stay long after I know something isn't working for me because I hate to "fail" and quitting is failing to me. The other wg I was in disbanded due to querulous members and the leader moving away. Another group reemerged, but the leader changed the day and time and did not invite previous members, so we only learned about it through local chatter. There are lots of wg locally, so I think I'll try some out. First, I think I'll decide what it is I want to accomplish with such a group and how I can contribute. No more going and expecting just to be part of a "group," this doesn't seem to be enough. Groups operate according to who leads and the spoken and unspoken code of conduct maintained, so I think if I notice I'm not in step with said conduct, I either shouldn't join or shouldn't stay. Now that's thinking!

Well, forgot to mention, I was really pumped up to start back on this blog, to get back to writing my thoughts so that I could work out some things that plagued me, but when I sat down at my computer I was greeted with an unwelcome message. Microsoft had loaded Windows 10 on my desktop without my permission! For months I had been refusing the offers. I went back and forth wondering whether I should do so or not, but I ultimately decided that I wanted to keep Windows 7. I have Win 10 on my laptop and don't mind it at all. However, I love Win 7 and find it just a little more pleasing to use, but for the life of me I no longer can say why. I like the looks of my desktop with a picture of my dogs and all the icons nicely arranged, so maybe ..... 

Anyway, having to wait for Microsoft to restore my computer to the last version I had on my machine took the fire out of my resolve to write and slowed my momentum. Sadly, I lost my train of thought and couldn't pull together all I had intended to write. Which does remind me of something I have been researching and trying to get for over a year now: I want to buy a system that lets me write or speak my thoughts and then converts them to text. I tried Dragon Naturally Speaking years ago, but found it cumbersome and could not use it easily. I've tried tape recorders, but don't like that I still have to type up what I spoke. I looked into several options but got so mired in details that I could not decide what one might be what I would use. I go back to the hunt periodically, but still cannot find "the one" that would meet my needs. So, I write sporadically and not sufficiently for me. < Big Sigh >

Shadow, my cat, needs his thyroid pill and food, so I'm going to cease writing. Hope to be here nearly every day from now on. 'Nite.