Tough week. Mostly dealing with people. Had a great conversation with a friend earlier tonight and was able to both vent and hear a good take on much of what had upset me and really, really strained my inner resources this week.
During the past five plus years, one of the comments I've heard often is that "being older is like being a teenager in high school." When I first heard it, I laughed, poo-pooed it, and moved on. As the years passed, I came to not only believe the saying but to realize how ill-equipped I was to deal with these changing times. See, I avoided much of the nonsense in high school by ignoring much of the crap swirling around us. In hindsight it probably wasn't a smart move because I don't think I built up enough internal resources or thick skin to deal with similar issues today.
But -- and this is the most important point -- having to deal with them this week has gotten me out of my head and here writing. I need to work out my thoughts but without Richard beside me, I quit doing so. I gave up more times than not. I didn't deal with issues or emotional stressors in a timely manner or at all. And now that I am joining groups and interacting with many people regularly, I find I am at a loss sometimes on how to deal with crap when faced with it.
So, here's what's on my mind tonight and what dragged me down this week:
Writing groups -- I cannot find one where I fit. The latest one I was in never felt "right" but I kept going and some days it went well and other days I wished I had never gone. This week I quit. For me to do so is almost unheard of! I tend to stay long after I know something isn't working for me because I hate to "fail" and quitting is failing to me. The other wg I was in disbanded due to querulous members and the leader moving away. Another group reemerged, but the leader changed the day and time and did not invite previous members, so we only learned about it through local chatter. There are lots of wg locally, so I think I'll try some out. First, I think I'll decide what it is I want to accomplish with such a group and how I can contribute. No more going and expecting just to be part of a "group," this doesn't seem to be enough. Groups operate according to who leads and the spoken and unspoken code of conduct maintained, so I think if I notice I'm not in step with said conduct, I either shouldn't join or shouldn't stay. Now that's thinking!
Well, forgot to mention, I was really pumped up to start back on this blog, to get back to writing my thoughts so that I could work out some things that plagued me, but when I sat down at my computer I was greeted with an unwelcome message. Microsoft had loaded Windows 10 on my desktop without my permission! For months I had been refusing the offers. I went back and forth wondering whether I should do so or not, but I ultimately decided that I wanted to keep Windows 7. I have Win 10 on my laptop and don't mind it at all. However, I love Win 7 and find it just a little more pleasing to use, but for the life of me I no longer can say why. I like the looks of my desktop with a picture of my dogs and all the icons nicely arranged, so maybe .....
Anyway, having to wait for Microsoft to restore my computer to the last version I had on my machine took the fire out of my resolve to write and slowed my momentum. Sadly, I lost my train of thought and couldn't pull together all I had intended to write. Which does remind me of something I have been researching and trying to get for over a year now: I want to buy a system that lets me write or speak my thoughts and then converts them to text. I tried Dragon Naturally Speaking years ago, but found it cumbersome and could not use it easily. I've tried tape recorders, but don't like that I still have to type up what I spoke. I looked into several options but got so mired in details that I could not decide what one might be what I would use. I go back to the hunt periodically, but still cannot find "the one" that would meet my needs. So, I write sporadically and not sufficiently for me. < Big Sigh >
Shadow, my cat, needs his thyroid pill and food, so I'm going to cease writing. Hope to be here nearly every day from now on. 'Nite.
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