Widowhood after nearly 7 yrs and other thoughts

Musing over some ideas today for possible columns or projects to start in the new year. The one I've been most thinking about is writing a column of places Susan and I will eat at every week during 2010. We would attempt to eat at both different ethnic places and types of meals, such as breakfast, lunch, and dinner. My personal goal would be to do more than one a week and to cover Onondaga County. We could vary our selection according to weather and suggestions from others, but mainly, I would like to try places I've never been.

The other thought would be to write about being a widow from both of our viewpoints with the emphasis on a particular topic or issue per column. An example would be dating since we both have interesting experiences to record and differing desires. As an addition, I could write in others experiences or advice, etc., such as those I've heard from others who've shared. For example, my recent party conversation with Judy!

Thinking along both these lines led me to here and the need to get it out of my head before I lose interest or worse, get too lazy to bother (an all-too often occurrence since R's death).
So, first musing. "Dating Advice My Husband Would have Given Me"
When my husband knew (or I think knew) he was dying, he tried again (he'd tried several times early on in his deadly diagnosis) to talk to me about how I should seek to spend my life, the extremely personal side of it (dating/sex), without him. I would not let him, and now, nearly 7 years later, I can candidly say, I regret not hearing his wise words on this prickly subject. You see, I'm a few bricks short of a full load when it comes to knowing men. I spent nearly my entire adult life with a man who loved me, treated me so special I was convinced I was, and communicated so well with me, I believed men care what a woman thinks, and most importantly, he loved sex and enjoyed making love or just having sex, but never made me feel it was just sex. All these qualities and their attendant effects, left me feeling I knew how to act with a man. Or at least I thought I could get out there and blend in the world of singles.

Now, the advice I think he would have given me would probably have been accompanied by anecdotes and examples of how I behaved and what not to do, but since I didn't get it, I'll share what I think he would have given against what I really did or experienced.
Okay, so I've begun. I've also just run out of steam. I've been v v ill since Friday when I had what I can only think was some kind of flu -- high fever, extreme stomach pain, cramps, vomiting, etc. Saturday morning the fever broke, but I spent that day in bed also, too exhausted and still crampy and nauseated to do anything else. Sunday, thinking I was better, but noticing I now felt heavy in the chest (and not from a boob job) with a runny nose and stuffed head, I left the house I'd been tethered to for three days. My chest hurt and I had difficulty breathing, so after a couple hours and $100 less, I came back home and went back to bed -- well, on the couch, where I am today, feeling no better. I now think I have a v v bad cold or the beginning of something worse in the pulmonary variety. **Sigh**
So, it's back to resting and thinking about all those things I want to write about in the coming year.
'Ciao